The Summer Of Stranger Things: The Watches To Wear When Fending Off The Mind Flayer

[Read with caution: this article contains spoilers for Stranger Things]

[No seriously, there are plenty of spoilers in this article]

[Final warning…]

It’s official, Stranger Things season 3 had the biggest opening of any Netflix show to date with 40.7 million households watching in the first four days alone. And while we’re not done crying into our strawberry Slurpees (RIP Alexei), we are ready to dole out some horological advice to the crew from Hawkins. 
 

Hopper is the guy we can always count on, and he needs a watch to match. The Tudor Submariner is tough and dependable, just like our man, and it falls within the budget of a single dad living in a cabin. It’s not quite laser-proof, but it'll last long enough to hand down to a new daughter, and it might just catch the eye of a certain divorcée (take a hint, Joyce!).
 

There may be no Wall Street in Hawkins, but the town does have its own Gordon Gekko. Mayor Kline is living it up in the golden age of the Reagan era, and we’re confident his comrades have the capital to supply him with a bribe-worthy golden watch. He may not be able to buy a Royal Oak at the mall, but we have a feeling he won’t go near there in the first place. 
 

Steve “The Hair” Harrington was off to a humble start this season, so we’re recommending a watch he could buy working minimum wage with maybe a little cash left over for college one day. The Seiko “Turtle” is a dive watch that’s ready for anything, even if the nearest boat happens to be the USS Butterscotch. And in the event that he gets captured by the Russians, the Turtle will help prove that he does, in fact, work at Scoops Ahoy. 
 

Suzie exists after all and boy are we relieved. Dustin is rarely found without a radio, so we suggest a radio watch that’s more portable than his hilltop setup. As a radio frequency receiver, it might not be able to contact his sweetie across the country or his squad on the surface, but it just might help with picking up secret Russian messages. This is a code red after all!
 

If you’re El and you’re looking for a new look but barely have enough money to buy a box of Eggo waffles, opt for a Swatch. They’re affordable, come in a nearly endless variety of designs, and they’re easy enough to find at the Starcourt Mall. Plus, the rubber strap wipes clean should she experience the occasional nosebleed. 
 

Everybody’s favorite bad boy is back and he’s not here to make friends. For Billy, we’ve chosen a classic American military watch, the Bulova A-17A. It has enough bravado to match that killer 'stache, is water-resistant for a day at the pool, sweat-proof for a sauna session, and it cleans up nicely in case he suddenly needs to impress the parents. 
 

As Peter Pan told us, some boys just won’t grow up. The boy who’s more interested in games than girls needs a watch to keep him occupied while his friends are off catching cooties. The Nelsonic Pac Man watch was one of a range of 1980s video game watches that acted as an arcade on the go. And if the post-credits scene in the finale tells us anything, Will might not stay put for long...

(Modified images from Stranger Things are used purely for satirical purposes)