Show Time: 10 Tips and Tricks for Tackling Basel

Whether you’re a journalist, a retailer, a collector, an influencer, or some curious bloke who walked in off the street because it was cold and you had nothing better to do on a Friday afternoon, you know – or at least will quickly realize – that Basel (and its ‘World’) is like no place you’ve ever been, and like nothing you’ve ever seen. And that can be quite overwhelming. Remember that laser light show at the local planetarium your college friends talked you into going to that played Depeche Mode music really loudly, while you munched on cheese popcorn after a night of unbridled debauchery? Yeah. That’s pretty much my experience at the Hublot booth last year (in a good way) after rolling in at 4 A.M. the same morning. This is what I’m talking about, people. This is where you might need a little assistance, so I’m here for you today with ten ways to make it out of Basel alive, relatively unscathed, and with something – anything – left in your bank accounts.
 

Three words: SUSHI FOR LUNCH. Tired of feeling like your arteries are about to burst due to the overabundance of sausage and sauerkraut? Then may I suggest a visit to our friends at Oris, who not only have incredibly affordable and well-made Swiss watches to show you, but will also hook you up with a fine sushi lunch while you browse. And if you happen to have little kids at home, this year’s visit will be all the more special. Stay tuned...
 

And make it a double when possible. You won’t regret it.
 

Here’s hoping you’re staying close enough to the fair to be able to go back to your overpriced Airbnb and catch an hour’s worth of rest before the nighttime events begin, because once they do, it’ll be no stopping you until you realize you’ve slurred the word “tachymeter” so badly in that your watch friends think you’re talking about a “taxi meter” and call you a cab. I may or may not know this from experience, but in case I never said it, thanks, Gary.
 

That stands for “bring your own brown liquor.” No matter if you’re one of the lucky few who gets to stay in an actual hotel (with maid staff, towels, tiny soaps, and everything!) or one of the still lucky fewer who managed to get an Airbnb in the city for under $300 per night, you know that a dram of scotch (or at least, what the Baselites [or is it Baselonians?] call a “dram”) is barely enough to wet your teeth; yet will still run you a good $35 or more. So, I suggest you do as I do: buy yourself a nice bottle for your room and then pack a couple of airplane-sized mini-bottles in your pockets or purse for when you’re out. That way, if you decide you want to pay for that one ridiculously expensive glass while you’re chatting it up at a bar somewhere, you can casually stroll into the nearest coat closet and pour yourself another so that even if you are trying to be as frugal as possible BECAUSE YOU SPENT ALL YOUR MONEY ON THAT DAY’S LUNCH, you won’t look like it.
 

For members of the press, this is, of course, a given, and it’s because we really never know what exactly it is we’re going to witness or what Mr. Biver is going to do or say. He’s like a big, cheese-loving Cracker Jack box: full of surprises every single time. And for that, as well as for his honesty and his Instagram selfies, we really, truly love him.
 

Hope to see you somewhere on the show floor if you’re attending the 2018 edition of Baselworld. If you spot me, say hello. I don’t bite unless provoked. If not, follow along on the @watchonista social pages for complete coverage from the Fair.