Halloween Special: Which Watch Would Patrick Bateman Wear Today?

Halloween Special: Which Watch Would Patrick Bateman Wear Today?

In honor of Halloween, we speculate about the timepieces of a different kind of scary monster – a fictional banker-bro slash serial killer.

By Rhonda Riche

For many people, Halloween is all about ghosts, witches, and werewolves. But flesh and blood humans are often more terrifying. Take, for example, Patrick Bateman, the protagonist of Bret Easton Ellis’ novel American Psycho. This investment banker, while impeccably groomed, led a secret life as a serial killer.

Director Mary Harron’s 2000 film version of the book solidified Bateman (played by Christian Bale) as a super creep. And the finer details, like his Armani suits and Rolex Datejust 16013, just made this character even more frightening – a wolf dressed in watches that, frankly, we would also like to wear.

American Psycho was written during the “greed is good” era of Wall Street. So if we were to create a 2021 version of his costume for Halloween, what timepiece would best represent this materialistic monster?

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Datejust 41

Bateman was a label-conscious lad. And in the book, the narrator references Rolex 26 times – the third most name-checked brand after Armani and Ralph Lauren. In the film, Bale wore a two-tone reference 36mm Rolex Datejust 16013 with a Jubilee bracelet.

Since then, horror and watches have only got bigger and bigger. And while the pendulum seems to be swinging back toward smaller case sizes (and likewise, the violent crime rate has also dropped since the 1990s), today’s average enthusiast isn’t quite ready for a 36mm yet. That is why we think the maniacal mergers and acquisitions expert might opt for the Oyster Perpetual Datejust 41mm in Oystersteel and yellow gold, featuring a champagne-color dial and a Jubilee bracelet.

The Datejust is one of the most instantly recognizable watches, and isn’t recognition just what our sick boy craves?

Cartier Santos de Cartier Large

Bateman is as chic as any Hollywood vampire, which means he doesn’t mind a little flash. The 1980s were the glory days for stainless steel and gold timepieces. Today, two-tone is making a comeback, and we think 2021 Bateman would support this trend with a yellow gold and steel Cartier Santos de Cartier.

Some observers have suggested that Bateman’s obsession with the luxury brand comes from a need to control his chaotic world. And what better way to keep track of the time than with this yellow gold timepiece with interchangeable metal and leather bracelets?

Patek Philippe Nautilus 5711/1A-014

As an investment banker, Bateman would no doubt have been captivated by all the kerfuffle over the hottest watch of 2021 – the Patek Philippe Nautilus 5711/1A-014.

We do not doubt that this impossible-to-get, green-dialed beauty would make our happy murderer green with envy. Bateman would be the kind of guy who would want to make a killing off of it on the secondary market – you know who we mean, the type of flipper that haunts Patek Philippe’s nightmares.

Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Selfwinding

Bateman, though sadistic in private, was also terrifyingly normal in public. This is why we think he might opt for the ultimate luxury sports watch, the Audemars Piguet Royal Oak.

This timepiece is equally popular among enthusiasts and the well-heeled. For a label-conscious killer like Bateman, he would be intrigued by the Royal Oak’s social cachet. But this self-winding model is also low-key enough that it wouldn’t draw too much attention to his “extracurricular” activities.

Richard Mille RM 005

So far, we’ve speculated on what a 30-something psycho would wear if transported into the year 2021. But what watch would an aging Boomer Bateman wear?

Assuming he made a lot of money on Wall Street, married and divorced his secretary, and was semi-retired with a place in St. Barths, we are going to go with a Richard Mille RM 005.

We see the Boomer Bateman getting into complications in his dotage, so we think this Richard Mille’s patented variable-geometry rotor would be particularly appealing to a slasher. The movement’s winding mechanism, you see, can be personalized to the owner’s lifestyle by adjusting the six-position rib placement. This adjustment will either speed up the winding process, in the case of minimal arm and hand movements, or slow it down when high activity sports are pursued. In short, the perfect mechanism for the horror horology fan.

From all of us at Watchonista, we hope you enjoyed this tale of horrorology!

Happy Halloween!

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